June 22nd 2012 Ten years anniversary
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Today is Friday June 22nd 2012
Today is Friday June 22nd 2012
We are officially married for 10 years.
Marriage is some-kind of interesting
thing.
Let me tell you.
When you’re born into this world, you
are first met with parents who keep you from all manner of harm.
Protection from inside the womb to the scissors cutting the
umbilical, protected, fed and cleaned. Well, that is, if you happen
to born into a family where you have good parents. You may be born
into a family where you have only one parent, no parents, guardians
or relatives. The point is, you’re protected or semi-protected with
a set path already before you. First talking, next you learn to walk,
then to care for yourself personal hygiene. Then you’d learn to use
the bathroom on your own. Then you’re placed into training, you
are put into the “school system” with various levels of varying
concepts and ideologies that they, (the qualified expert educators
that be at the time) have thrown at you and hope that something of
career interest will stick to you. This is so, that when you get to
the end of your first 12 years of school, you’ll be: 1) an adult
and ready worker, 2) someone who knows what they want to be
(generally) for the rest of their natural life, and 3) prepared for
marriage and children if you so chose it.
So some people place the training of
life’s critical values for future societies on the examples of
their parents, care takers, favorite stars, books, teachers, or
friends. We all hope that each of us will be ready for the trial and
errors of romance and dating and hopeful make it through to
responsible adulthood, possibly marriage within those twelve years.
However, they don’t teach that in school, that comes from the
friendship department.
What about college? At college is for
most people the rite of passage where people hope that they are fully
ready to make all the tough life decisions we heard about on
television or loved ones and be fully capable of solving complex life
problems. This is where all the gloves come off and rated R movies
are now acceptable to watch because society says you are ready to
deal with tough stuff. Based, of course, on your educational level at
16 years of education, you must make serious tough career choices.
But you really haven’t “lived” though, until you’ve lived on
your own then trying to make it on your own, while balancing school,work, while seeking to be an adult.
Every parent’s dream is to have
successful morally acceptable kids making a difference in society and
even more than that, cute grand children. So they can spoil them and
show them off. Yet greater still than that, beyond morality and grand
kids, it’s your kid with a good job so that you can care for them
when they’re old.
The most complex and thoroughly
interesting yet sophisticated piece of all human institutions has got
to be marriage. It’s not a school, yet there are many lessons in
it. It’s not an organization, yet successful ones are strong teams.
It’s a journey of two people who are put together to enjoy life
together by reason of love and loyalty or tear each other apart in a
death cage match of mistrust.
Depending on your upbringing you either
have a good view of it, a warped view of it or a bad view of it. I
had a good view of it growing up, my mom and dad stayed together for
more than 31 years. Yes, they even had various fights and arguments
and all the normal human stuff. Yet, in 2002, my mom passed away from
cancer and my dad has never been the same ever since. He remarried
and that new marriage ended in divorce 7 years later.
I’ve always seen that marriage was
the pillar and focal point of all governments and societies out
there. A unified fully-operational marriage was much like a brick
wall, nothing from the outside can pass through it without injury.
Even the mighty religious church organizations are forced to bow to
the power of marriage. I’ve also seen what happens when there is
mistrust and lack of love and disunity, nothing is firm and
definitely there’s no romance. The greatest friendship and the
greatest loyalty to death do you part. I have seen and read and
studied to be the best husband and friend I could be to my wife.
Thus, there are many, many views of
marriage, so as not to offend and upset the thousands of views out
there, I will keep it to mine, so that if you disagree with me,
that’s okay and it falls into the bucket of my opinion and my
beliefs, so there you have it. Under the first amendment, rights to
freedom of speech, baby.
Hang in there with me, (this gets a
little chewy, but hang on, okay.)I believe that marriage is a divine
union and friendship that God himself models for us, and that we are
to have with another human being that is to show forth the praises
and unity of God, as in everything else we are supposed to do. All
throughout the Bible it speaks about Christ and the Church which is
his body and his love. He died for his bride (because the price he
had to pay for the evils we’ve done) and rose again to show that he
loved his bride. He gave her the engagement ring of promise (which is
the Holy Spirit,) Eph1:12-14 and one day will bring her to himself so
that the bride will no longer live on earth, but in heaven with Him
because the Groom always comes to get her. To be part of the bride,
to married to Jesus, requires that we humans say (and act upon) “I
do” to him (believe in him) that he is the one who makes us new
person. He removes old bad things in our life, picks us up and he
makes us into a brand new person ready to become friends with God
forever. And have daily communication with him. There’s Nothing
more simple and to the point than that. It’s a come as-you-are and
he will make you a better person type thing. You never have to set
foot inside a church building to do it. It’s a unique relationship,
with the God who made you. Interesting? I think so.
Marriage is to be a copy of that
ultimate friendship and between a man and woman to produce godly
offspring. Adam and Eve walked with God and Song of Solomon is the
best book that is loaded with marriage imagery and the process of
respect for the opposite sex and it also talks about sex which makes
it even cooler.
In many cultures though, marriage is a
status symbol, means for a different financial benefits, a presence
of leadership in the view in the eyes of peers, entering it
eldership, the end of singleness, beginning of responsibility, it is
a family connector and family producer. Some marriages are business
transactions and peace treaties for nations. Some are arranged from
birth. Some are because of falling in love. Some are shotgun. Some
marriages are out of fear of being alone forever. Some are a mix of
all of these.
I believe that marriage is a choice for
spending the rest of your life with your best friend and building the
foundational point of society on honesty and love. BTW I never quite
understood the people who were married to dictators or high officials
who never quite knew what the other person was doing while they
shared the same house, until the divorce or the court date happened
but that is a question and blog, for another day.
I am happily married to my wife for 10
years
I met my wife one day in 1999 while I
was doing a preaching ministry on the street of NYC. I was one of
them street painter with canvas preachers,) lots of fun, tell you
about that too in a future blog).
I didn’t know it then, but I was
going to spend the rest of my natural life here on earth with this
woman who had volunteered with this group. There was no bolt of
lightning. No birds in the air, No bells or whistles (all of that
came later). She volunteered for one entire year and we became best
friends. I saw her happy, sad, angry, she could not stand or tolerate
any falsehood, saw her with family friends and roommates. She was
basic in seeing things and speaking the truth the hard stuff that
nobody wanted to do. We had a lot in common many more things in
common than things that were not. We had a foundation not based on
romance, but friendship. Honestly, being a dense average guy I had no
clue what-so-ever that she liked me, until another friend pointed it
out to me! I just knew she was a cool person to “chill with”.
I’ve had previous friendships with
other women before that could have become something deeper. They’re
still my friends to this day (that was completely by the grace of
God, I appreciate all my dear lady friends, God bless you, if any of
you are reading this). I never lost my virginity. That was something
I saved for my wife on our wedding night to which I’ve been married
to for ten years.
The steps to marriage for me, was this:
I asked her dad for the right to engage
in “courtship” and he was so impressed that I knew what that word
meant, that he granted that to me on Feb 16th 2000.
I visited her father in Florida to
“seal the deal” for marriage that was on June 7th, 2000
In central park asked Amy to marry me
March 19th 2001
In Brooklyn, we were married June 22nd,
2002
Yaay!
Shortly after a sweet honey moon in
Aruba and Orlando, Florida,
We came right back to troubles and
began together dealing with reality, my mom was diagnosed with
Ovarian cancer and so began the official adventures of Greg and Amy.
Birth of one kid Tytus 5/2003
Ministry dismissal due to lack of money
(yep, I’m still trying to try to figure that one out)
Birth of another kid Aby 4/2005
Several church episodes
Loss of Jobs
New Jobs
Taxi driving
Birth of another kid Chloe 9/2009
2 Mission’s trips
New endeavors
Skinny dipping
Sickness and health
3 Car accidents and more
New Jobs
Leaving Institutional Church for good
Now Representing the Organic church
This is another element of marriage
that is often overlooked but greatly coveted, a good listening ear
and someone to go with you on the tumultuous journey. That’s what
marriage has been to me. Marriage is a really good friendship. With
tons of “I’m sorrys” “please forgive me’s traveling and
experiencing new things with lots of laughs, and lots of intimacy.
“I aint her boss, I is her friend.”
One of the best keys to having a happy
marriage is it possesses a strong sense of humor.
May your marriage be more than ten
years and may you have tons of stories to share with the world.
Thanks for reading,
The adventures of Greg and Amy
Valentine
June 22, 2012, 10th
anniversary
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